Under the skin is another creature from the deep Going under is another breath of poison But somehow I’m still living This planet hell
I drove for miles still trying to find myself In the pouring rain Look for the sign that tells me what way to go But I’m yet to find it
I cannot see how the world has poisoned me I’m still driving for miles and miles Trying to regain some sanity back in me Trying to look for that life-changing sign again
A deeper wound pierces the memory gland And I’m still behind this wheel trying to do something about it I feel so hopeless I can’t feel beautiful
It’s all in my head these rainbows and butterflies But somehow I want more Underneath my skin I feel myself crawl Into a ball and drown in my own tears
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God Bless Us Everyone We are a broken people living under a loaded gun
Deep. I think that last paragraph summed it up. At least the first 3 sentences of the last paragraph. The butterflies line strikes me, not quite sure why, probably because it doesn't seem to fit into the dark oppressive mood you've already built. That was I assume the idea. Yeah... heavy but good.
Good work. I think you should've put more emphasis on building it up though, because now you're just describing feelings intead of leading the poem somewhere. Also, I always prefer text with a lot of metaphors, and I feel this was lacking a bit of those. It was very deep and descriptive though, so props for that. :) Hoping to read more soon.
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Dreaming of Zion, Awake Sleeping Awake.
"We’ve never tried to come off as better than our fans, our fans... when they come to see us play, they’re actually a part of, you know, us playing. Sonny, the way he is on stage, he connects with them, emotional and in every kind of way you can imagine, you know, musically, and I think that they can see that it’s not, you know, a put on, it’s not something that’s fake, it’s real." - Mark Daniels of P.O.D.